Welcome to the Wilderness
by StorytheBrave
Summary: To get away for the summer, the Cullen's bring Bella to their cabin in Montana! Hilary begins as Bella's clumsiness is a daily sport, activities are dangerous, and jokes ring true. FUNNY.
1. Awkward Car Rides With Rosalie the Mean

**Before you read!**

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**_Hey guys! I just finished my story, Do We Have to Kiss Goodnight?, so, I am in need of writing comedy. Please enjoy! (And be sure to review) _

Spiky hair clouded my vision as I blinked awake. My brain finally started, and I mumbled,

"Morning, Alice," I pulled myself into a sitting position, stretching. Alice was still kneeling on my floor, her chin propped on my bed- she had probably been there the whole morning.

"Bella! _At last_! I thought you had died!" She clapped.

"Not funny," I grumbled, blowing a piece of hair out of my face.

"You see, that's why I hate Edward, he puts all these bad thoughts about death into your head- hell, if we hadn't have _died _we wouldn't be here today." She had stood up, grabbed my hand and started towing me to the bathroom.

"I guess- wait. _Why_ are you here?" I asked, already confused to how I was outside the bathroom.

"Thanks, your hospitality is _so _amazing. You know, you have no problem with a guy in your bedroom, but me- your soon to be _sister_- you have lots of problems with." She huffed, hands on her hips.

"I don't have a problem with it. It's the question 'Why are you here and not Edward?' And he is not just some _guy _he's my boy-_fiancé._" I automatically twisted my engagement ring, in case I needed the reminder.

"It's _because_, we're headed to our cabin for two weeks! And you, Bella, have been invited!" She smiled gleefully.

Edward wasn't kidding when he said they had houses everywhere…

"Okay… That still doesn't explain why you are here."

"I'm here to help you pack. Besides, Edward's up at the cabin with the boys- all us girls are riding together. Now, no more dillydallying, get ready. I'll go pack your clothes. Get your toiletries." She walked away, gesturing me into the bathroom.

"Alice…" I mumbled.

By the time I was out of the bathroom, Alice was standing next to my duffel bag, her hand out expectantly for my toiletry bag. I handed it to her. She had bent down and zipped it into the bag before I had taken a breath. She looped my arm through hers as we walked downstairs.

"What did you tell Charlie to convince him to let me go? Another sleepover?" I smiled, Charlie would believed Alice about anything.

"Oh, that was easy. I just told him the truth. Although, I did lie and say you would be sleeping on the couch, by yourself. That was a definite lie." She giggled. Of course Edward would be with me, couch or not. I joined in.

"Where is he?" I looked around the corner into the kitchen, but it was bare.

"Working- it is a Friday. The crime in Forks doesn't stop, Bella." She said it so seriously I had to laugh.

She opened the front door wide, so we could both step out. Unsurprisingly, it was overcast, but warm. It was July, after all.

We walked down the front path, and to my surprise- as I'd thought we would be taking the Mercedes, or something _less _noticeable- parked in the driveway, was Rosalie's bright red BMW.

I could see Rosalie's blonde head in the driver's seat, so I supposed Esme to be in the passenger. I let out a sigh. Rosalie had been better, but I was still uncomfortable around her.

"She's not that bad, Bella. Actually, the cabin's one of Rosalie's favorite places." Smiling again, Alice tugged me to the car.

Esme exited the car, and with a big smile, kissed me on the cheek, and lowered the seat so I could climb in the back. Knowing me, I tripped on the way in, so I fell head-first into the seat, hitting it relatively hard on the headrest.

"Ow…" I muttered, massaging the oncoming bump.

"Bella, dear, are you alright?" Esme's soothing voice wavered back to me.

"Yeah, just a bump." I straightened into the seat, only to find Rosalie's dark sunglasses staring at me.

"Oh, this is a new one; can't even get in a car without hurting yourself. Emmett will be pleased." She turned back to the wheel.

"Ah." I answered. Frankly, I was out of responses.

"_Rosalie._"Esme scolded. She didn't answer, only turned the key, bringing the car to life.

Alice appeared in the seat next to me. "I'm so excited! We should have done this last year, and the year before!" She cried.

"So, what's there to do at this cabin?" I asked, I'd never stayed at one.

"Hiking, fishing, canoeing, swimming, the simplicity of it all." Esme said, sighing happily.

"And don't forget: Mountain Lions, bears, and moose!" Alice cheered, earning a high-five from Rosalie.

I had forgotten the animal factor.

"Great," I tried to sound enthusiastic. Not only did I hate animals, but that was one more activity without Edward. Not only did he refuse for me to sit in the car while he hunted, but I couldn't even discuss it with him. I didn't see why not, I mean, I was going to be a vampire in a month- the wedding was that close- why not prepare me?

"Don't worry, dear, there will be tons of stuff for you to do." Esme turned back to me, giving me an encouraging smile.

"We'll try to go easy on you, lest you fall off a mountain," Rosalie snickered.

"_Rosalie!_" Esme hissed, again.

"It's not my fault she's a klutz! At least _I'm _giving her warning," Rosalie grinned hugely, "I'm not going to push her."

"Thanks." I said, turning my attention to the window, watching the blurred Forks go by.

We arrived, ten hours later, travel-worn, and, for me, tired.

The ride had been a silent one, after Rosalie's attack on my klutziness, things calmed down. Alice had tried to strike up conversation, but to no achievement.

We were in the tiny town of Noxon, Montana.

The cabin was so secluded, I would've missed it. We turned on a gravel road, through an open gate, and into the wilderness.

The cabin was beautiful and fit with the scenery wonderfully. Honey-colored logs made up the exterior, and green windows were open and the sound of crickets filled the night air.

Emmett's red Jeep was parked outside a green garage door.

We got our luggage out of the trunk, and walked on the path to the front door.

"Whoa," I mumbled. Above the door was a moose skeleton, it's antlers filling the width of the door. A light glowed from the eyes.

"Oh, yeah. That's an souvenir. Emmett took that down five years ago. It was too pretty to just throw away." Rosalie answered my question. Pride filled her voice talking about Emmett.

"Awesome," Was all I could say.

We walked through the door, through a screened in room, and into the cabin.

For one thing, it was warm.

Off to the left was a staircase, hidden behind a wall. A black stove fireplace was against a chimney made of rocks; it led up through the open ceiling, into the roof above. Everything was made of wood, too. The furniture were logs covered with cushions, the side tables were made of logs. It was the definition of the classic 'log cabin'.

Carlisle, was in the kitchen. To my surprise, several pots were on the stove and the air smelled like spaghetti. He clapped his hands together.

"Girls! You've made it just in time! Bella, your dinner is ready." He smiled goldenly, indicated to one of the barstools that ran along a small island.

I put my bag down on the right side of the door, walked quickly but cautious in my new surroundings.

In front of the couch (which faced the east) was a wooden coffee table, to it's left, in the corner, was another stove. A chair, side table, and rocking chair ran along the west wall which held the door. Across from the couch was a wooden TV hutch (everything wood was the same color as the logs) holding a few hundred DVDs and a TV. Lamps were _everywhere_; on the floor, on the tables. But I was certain they preferred natural light in the day, for the windows were large and seemed to be used frequently.

The kitchen was on the north wall. It was small, tucked in the left corner. Nothing fancy, like their prop kitchen in Forks.

In the right corner was a small art studio, it seemed, and a computer. I could make out an E in the right hand corner of a painting, but I couldn't see if it was Esme, Emmett, or Edward's name.

I sat on the middle stool, where Carlisle already had a steaming plate of spaghetti waiting for me. I wolfed it down. For a vampire, he could cook.

I raised my head to find Carlisle and Esme sitting on the couch, holding hands, Alice was perched on the rocking chair, and Rosalie was looking the north window that separated the kitchen and art studio.

I finally realized what was missing.

"Carlisle?" I swiveled my chair to check the rest of the cabin. All I found was another door was that lead down to a basement and another that lead to the west.

"Yes, Bella?" He asked, smiling brightly.

"Where are the boys,"

"Oh, I figured you would've guessed it," He laughed, "They saw a bear in the woods and went sprinting after it." He continued to chuckle.

"Okay…" I was a little disappointed. I hadn't seen Edward in almost eleven hours.

"They'll be back. Their probably on their way now." He smiled reassuringly.

"Leave it up to them, their wives-" Alice looked at me, "- and fiancé arrive and they're off hunting."

"Boys will be boys," I giggled.

"Well, you won't have to wait too long, 'cause here they come." Alice grinned.

All of a sudden, I heard the unmistakable sound of a tree- or a couple of hundred- being torn down.

The door flew open, revealing Emmett, Jasper, and Edward covered in mud, bits of branches, and leaves.

"Whoa! What happened here?" Esme asked. She held her arms out in front of her, as if to say, _"Don't come any closer until you've wiped your boots"_.

"Chased the bear into the woods, found its den, then another." Jasper smiled wickedly, "It was quite the fight."

Edward squeezed out of the doorway, his shoes off, smiling crookedly. I didn't care how dirty he was, I needed him.

"Edward!" I squealed as I leapt into his arms.

"Oh!" He surprisingly grinned.

"Damn, she didn't trip," Emmett mumbled.

"But she did earlier," Rosalie had come to stand with Emmett, his arm wrapped protectively around her waist. She smiled evilly. "Yeah, Bella took a real tumble into my car, didn't you?" Her eyes gleamed. I felt a blush coming on.

"Really! Do you have a bruise?" Emmett came closer. I instinctively brushed my hand on top of my head to see.

"Ow!" I yelled, feeling the bruise at the crown of my head. "Why do I manage to get the biggest injuries from the littlest things?" I asked Edward.

"I have no idea, love. Your special like that." He kissed my bruise. A shot of pain ran from where his lips touched it, but I couldn't make myself tell him.

"So… What do we do now? Hike, four-wheel?" Alice impatiently asked from Jasper's arms.

"It is ten o'clock, Alice; Bella needs to sleep." Edward said.

"No I don't, now that you're here!" I whined.

"Yes you do, you'll be cranky tomorrow if you don't." Edward smiled down at me, trying to dazzle me.

"Stop that! No. I. Don't." I sternly said, sliding out of his grip.

"See, you're cranky now. Stop avoiding sleep, Bella. Besides, it's too late for us to do anything. You won't missed a thing." I frowned.

"Fine. Just show me where I'm _sleeping_," I venomously said.

"Downstairs," He held his hand out to me. I reluctantly took it. A chorus of "Goodnight Bella" 's came as he lead me down the basement stairs.

It was colder down here, since we were underground. Edward took a left at the bottom of the stairs and lead me into a room.

Once again, it was filled with honey-colored wood furniture. A bed was at my immediate left, covered with a bear and wildlife blanket. A futon was in the sofa position. On the right wall was a gigantic mural of an outdoor scene, complete with a little cabin with smoke coming out of a chimney.

"Wow," I stared at the mural.

"Yeah," Edward laughed. "It's one of Esme's. You saw the others upstairs, right?" He raised an eyebrow, as if I couldn't have miss them.

"Oh, yeah, I just didn't realize they were hers." I smiled, "She's really talented," I looked at Edward.

"Yes. Very." He chuckled, probably reading Esme's thoughts. "She thanks you." Edward pulled me into his arms.

"You like it here?" He asked, kissing my hair.

"Very much, so. But, since you are forcing me to sleep, I'd better do it." I fell into the bed, clothes and all. I patted the spot beside me, "Come on," I commanded him. He smiled, and climbed in. He started humming, and I was out.

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_ Any suggestions for the next chapter are welcome! I already have ideas, but, hey, yours could be better!_


	2. Alice, the Annoying Shopper

_Oh Bella, how klutzy thou are...

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The sound of shouting made me grumble awake. The ceiling shook as I sat up. I watched the ceiling carefully, in case it planed to fall. Edward sat up, looking at my face in concentration.

"Edward," I said, "Why is the ceiling shaking?"

"They're trying to wake you up," He smiled shyly. "They really want to go and do something, but Esme is making them wait for you." He was full-on smiling now.

"Oh… Well, that is nice of her…" I pondered. Getting up, I yawned, and stretched. Then an eminent smell reached my nose.

"I _smell_." I groaned. My face blushing in embarrassment. In fact, I felt nasty, my clothes were wrinkled up around me, and my hair was a complete rat's nest. Noticing my duffel bag in the corner of the room, I raced to it, pulling out a new pair of underwear and clothes. Almost forgetting, I grabbed my toiletries bag out.

"Edward," He was still on the bed, looking bewildered at my sudden movements, "Tell your brothers and sisters they will have to wait a little while longer." I heard an unmistakable annoyed sound from upstairs. Emmett? Rosalie- that was more likely-?

I ran up the stairs, tripping all the way. I opened the basement door, finding all the Cullen's, save Edward, standing two feet away from the door, eagerly waiting for me.

"Bella! Please tell us you were joking! Plus, you don't smell _that _bad." Emmett's nose guiltily wrinkled.

"I'm taking a shower, Emmett. Respect." I shuffled through them and to the left, down the west hallway I had noticed last night. The bathroom was at the end. Another bedroom was on my left, and a laundry room was on my right.

Closing the door, I let out a sigh of relief. The bathroom was small, but what could I have expected from people who didn't use the bathroom?

A glassed-in shower was before me, and around a small corner was a counter and cabinets. A toilet was across from it.

I hastily opened the shower door and turned on the hot water. Steam quickly filled the small room. I walked to the counter to look in the mirror. Hesitantly, I looked at myself. It was worse than I had predicted.

My face was a mess; I had imprints of the bed covers on my right cheek, and my hair was tangled in a mess of knots and drool.

"Ugh…" I groaned.

I stripped down from my t-shirt and jeans, leaving them in a pile next to the toilet.

When I stepped in the shower, I had that strange feeling of white-hotness.

"YOW!" I screamed as the water burned my skin. I angrily and confusingly reached for the faucet, turning it to the right- anywhere from the heat. Even through the door I could hear Emmett's booming laughter.

I washed and shaved, standing there for much more than the acquired time. The water felt so good now, it was hard to leave.

I wrapped myself in one of the many white, fluffy towels from the cabinets and dried off.

When I went to get dressed, the first thing I noticed was the void of my dirty clothes. The second, was a brand-new pair of jeans- I was sure they weren't mine. The label was a name I couldn't pronounce- and a thin cotton shirt I'd never bought.

"ALICE!" I screamed throwing the clothes down and wrapping myself more securely in my towel before throwing open the door.

I removed myself from the warmth of the bathroom into the cool of the cabin. The Cullen's stood in the doorway by the kitchen, eyes wide.

"Alice," I huffed, my face growing redder every second, "why did you take _my _clothes away?" I asked.

"Because they were ugly and ratty. You can't get them back either- or your other clothes for that matter- I burned them." She said pleasantly. I bottled up a scream.

"EDWARD!" I angrily yelled, he slyly made his way out of the crowd. "How could you let her do this?" I held back on screaming.

"She was singing The Impossible Dream in French, she blocked me!" He smiled his crooked smile in attempt to calm me.

"No, Edward Cullen, smiles will not do anything this time." Alice was in hysterics, shaking, pointing and laughing at Edward.

"Alice, you are not off the hook either!" She stopped laughing immediately. "Why would you have me pack an entire bag of my clothes?"

"So I could get rid of most of your closet at one time." She smiled again- what was with this family?

"Alright, alright! You win, you hate my clothes. But mark my words, Alice, I will have revenge!" And with that I stomped back into the bathroom. I unhappily dressed in the new clothes, finding them horribly perfect. I brushed my teeth furiously, then brushed out my wet hair. When I was finally done, I put on an angry face and exited the room.

Thankfully, none of the Cullen's were waiting for me. I could see Esme at an easel, painting, Rosalie and Emmett were cuddled on the couch, and Jasper and Alice were playing chess. Carlisle and Edward were nowhere in sight, put I heard the sound of something frying.

"Bella!" Alice chirped, getting up from her game at the coffee table. "They fit, I knew they would look good! Edward, come see!" She waved her arm towards the kitchen- was he cooking? My angel came around the corner and smiled, hands in his pockets. He looked at his sister, who was beaming.

"Yes, once again, you have dressed her nicely. Bella?" His head snapped back toward me. "Thank Alice." He smiled widely.

"Thank you, Alice," I mumbled. The next thing I knew, I was in his arms. He laced his fingers through mine, and led me into the main room.

"I made you breakfast, really it's just bacon and eggs. Also, what would you enjoy doing today?" He pulled out a stool for me and slid a plate towards me from the opposite side of the island.

"Um," I thought, "Esme said something about four-wheelers?" I hedged.

"Oh! Yes! Great idea!" Emmett boomed from the couch, I turned to see him fist-pumping the air.

"You and your love of motorized vehicles…" Edward smiled. "Eat up," He pushed the plate closer.

I picked up the fork on the plate and picked up an egg. Somehow, they were just like regular eggs, but, yet, something was different.

"What's in these eggs?" I asked, my mouth full.

"Some spices, Food Network has some pretty good shows on at three in the morning." Edward smiled.

"Nice," I smiled back.

As I cleaned my dishes- against Edward's wishes- I could feel a difference in the air; that the Cullen's were relaxed here. In Forks, they were contained; with school, and Carlisle job. I was sure this week I would see a different side of the Cullen's.

Walking out from behind the counter, I- as usual- found a way to fall. The belt loop of my jeans caught on the corner of the island- only I could do this- and I fell onto my face.

I heard Emmett and Rosalie's laughter before anything else.

"I told you, Emmett! That's two!" I heard the sound of marble slapping marble as they high-fived.

"Shut up," I pleaded. I felt cool hands on my arms as I was lifted. "Thanks." I said bashfully to him.

"Emmett- stop it. You too, Rose. Come on, lets go ride." He led me to the door, out the screened room, and outside.

It was a clear day, the sun shone and it warmed my face, I turned to Edward to smile at him, when I saw the sparkle of his skin.

My mouth was agape, I could feel it. As I looked around the yard, I felt speech abandon me, as I saw all the Cullen's sparkling for the first time.

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_Did you laugh, giggle, or hate? Well, show me you appreciate!_


	3. Four Wheeling, Vampire Style

I turned in a complete circle, taking in everything.

Edward was grinning, positively giddy with my discovery. "What?" He asked about the obvious.

But I didn't hear him, I was looking at the door, where, Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme were all entering the sunlight.

Emmett's bravado seemed to melt for me as he sparkled, as the diamond heart on my keychain did. Rosalie was even more beautiful, making her the realistic Greek goddess I saw her as.

I saw, briefly, her mouth- or maybe she actually said it, "Pervert," Before flashing a brilliant smile. It's not my fault I don't sparkle. Actually, I would, if Edward would change me…

Esme was smiling at me, too, walking towards Carlisle, who, I hadn't noticed, was laying on a hammock.

Alice and Jasper were throwing something back and forth, across the width of the yard. I caught, luckily, the fluorescent orange, and the flatness of it. They were throwing a Frisbee.

Alice- after coming out of a vision- smiled brightly. The combination of her skin, and her teeth, made it blinding to look at her. Jasper through the Frisbee hard and fast to Edward. He caught it, and threw it back, smiling at his brother.

"I cannot _wait _to be a vampire," I breathed. Edward chuckled beside me.

"Come along," He laughed, taking my hand, walking towards the gravel road. "Em, Rose, Alice, and Jasper!" He called over his shoulder. Silently, Alice was next to me, Emmett was giving Rosalie a piggyback ride, and Jasper was laughing with them.

Edward led me to the little shabby shed I had noticed last night. In it- since it was open- I could see two red four-wheelers, and a green. I smiled, I hadn't driven or rode something like this since I was with Jake.

I wonder what he was doing? I knew the pack life must be wearing him out. But, then again, we hadn't spoken in a while…

Emmett and Rosalie boarded the one furthest to the back, Rosalie climbing on after him, leaning back, her hands on the back grate*. Alice and Jasper climbed onto the second, Alice driving, Jasper's hands locked around her waist.

Edward slung his legs over the last one, putting a key in and revving up. I climbed on after him, putting my chin on his shoulder, and whispering.

"You know I want to drive." He turned his head and smiled.

"Fine, you can drive on the way back, but first, let me show you how we four-wheel." He grinned, shooting us out of the shed and turning us so we faced the road. The others followed suit.

By the time they were all out of the shed, Emmett was in the front. I couldn't hear over the engines, but I saw Emmett say, "Let's roll!"

I was practically thrown backwards as Edward gunned it, and sent us speeding down the road, only slowing a little bit so that we could go up a inclined road I hadn't noticed before. It was right after the path we had taken in, and totally consumed in weeds and wildflowers. Gravel marked that it had, at one time, been a road.

I was staring at a beautiful patch of purple flowers, when I was thrown back again, luckily catching myself on the grate.

The sounds of the Montana wilderness were lost in the roar of the engines. Everything streaked by, and it would kill me to look at the speedometer.

Edward's body was hunched over the handles. I pulled myself up, and wrapped myself securely around his waist.

I heard cries of joy, and leaned around Edward to see Alice, steering one-handed, fist-pumping the air in triumph. I hadn't realized- which I couldn't have done, since I had been behind Edward- that Emmett and Rosalie's four-wheeler was closer to ours. They must've been racing, because now Alice and Jasper were leading the pack.

I was positively beaming at Alice's win, when I was jerked hard to the left. We had veered off to the right, into wilder terrain.

The grass here was up to my waist, and was protected by parallel walls of trees.

We raced through the bumpy area. Once, we hit a slope so hard, we were launched into the air; I almost lost my grip on Edward.

When we arrived at the end of the meadow, Edward stopped, cut the engine, and then hopped off. Confused- since his siblings continued around a bend- he gestured to the front seat. I happily slid forward, waiting for his instruction.

"Okay, the key's right there- you're going to turn it, good. Now," He tapped a bright yellow button, "Press this button to start it." I did, and the machine awoke, purring under me. "Alright, when I get on, you're going to undo the emergency brake," He pointed to a lever next to then brake, "Then, take it out of park." He smiled, and climbed on. He lightly wrapped his arms around my waist. "Go, Ms. Speed Demon." Chuckling, I did as he instructed, and turned to go around the same bend the others went.

I sped up, tired of being in the passenger seat, bringing the monitor to 20 mph. The wind felt good in my face, and Edward seemed content enough that he was not telling me to slow down.

Then we hit a bump.

It was bigger than the past ones, and I wasn't driving then. The feeling of being uplifted was amazing, but, then gravity took control. Turning my little jump into a crash.

I felt the impact of the ground long before the headache. It was nostalgic of when I fell and hit a rock motorcycling.

I heard the roar of oncoming bikes, then Emmett's loud, "Oh, shit" before I blacked out.

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_Oh, Bella, can't you not get hurt?_

_Don't worry dear readers, she's not going to die..._

_*I have no clue what the technical, four-wheelin' word is, so spare me._

_Please review!_


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